That’s because it requires vulnerability to admit that you just need some reassurance, and many of us opt for the passive aggressive route instead of admitting that we’re having an emotional moment of weakness.
This decision to hide your vulnerability surfaces as passive aggressive remarks and offensive jabs, because you never heard the reassuring words you needed.
This way, your partner will recognize that it’s not a trust issue at hand – it’s simply a very basic (and common) human need for reassurance.
This concept is not as easy for people who have poor communication skills or for people whose communication skills tend to be weaker in the beginning of a relationship, when they’re still feeling the other person out and testing boundaries.
A considerate partner makes sure that every fight has a fighting chance of being resolved.
Your insecurities and the ways in which they manifest can accumulate over time and you won’t notice they’re killing your relationship until it’s too late.
I’d venture a guess that almost all of us have been guilty of this on occasion.
The quietly persistent fears, doubts and insecurities that are natural in the beginning of a relationship, however, can distort our perception and impair our communication skills.
So if someone cancels plans with you, it’s likely that all you need to hear is that they still have every intention of still seeing you another time. Fishing for that reassurance, however, can come across as a lack of faith, or distrust.
The solution is to be vulnerably upfront about what the real issue is.
In the situation of cancelling or changing a plan, for example, your partner calling you and explaining what’s going on with some extra details is going to prevent emotional triggers from firing in your brain.
It’s the factor of uncertainty that often sets off emotional triggers.